-ChIcLiCiOuS-

Tikus Ituuuuh...

Ini mahluk udah jadi musuh gue akhir-akhir ini, nyebelin banget deh pokoknya.
Capek ngadepinnya.. kekekeke

Cerita lengkapnya bisa diliat disini dan disini.

I'm Quit!

Waktu: Jam makan siang, yang berarti sekitar jam 12-an

Lokasi: Food Court Menara Kadin Kuningan

Peserta (sesuai urutan abjad) : D, E, R, V… gue? Pendengar yang baik dan setia.. hihihi

Begini nih kalo sesi makan siang bercampur dengan sesi curhat colongan…

Isi curhat, antara lain:
•    Wajar ngga sih, ada cewek yang notabene lo tau adalah mantan cewek laki lo dan emang diakuin ma laki lo waktu lo masih pacaran sekarang tuh cewek ma dia cuma sahabatan aja, tapi setelah elo berdua married, tuh cewek masih suka telfon laki lo and curhat macem-macem, dan elo ngga tau…
Padahal kalo lo terima telfon dari cowok laen yang cuma sekedar curhat, dia marah…. (weeeeeew… ga fair tuuuuh… hahahahaha =P)

•    Wajar ngga sih, laki lo janjian ketemu ma cewek lain pas jam kantor, bukan temen kantor dan bukan buat urusan kantor, dan lo tau kalo tuh cewek pernah deket ma laki lo… and elo ga pernah tau kalo mereka suka ketemu malah tau dari orang lain… (hohohohoho… minta dihajar!!!! =P)

•    Kalo pacaran sama laki orang mah emang kudu tau konsekwensinya ga bisa nuntut banyak… Biar bagaimana pun tuh laki kan pasti pulang ke bini aslinya. Secara yang diakuin ma keluarga… (Laaaah emang cowok-cowok single udah langka ya???)

•    Kenapa sih masih ada cewek-cewek ngga punya harga diri…. Udah tau laki orang gitu looooh… (hmmmmm… yang salah cowoknya juga kaleeeeee…)

•    Enaknya gimana yaaaa… kalo laki lo masih suka sms-smsan or telfon-telfonan ma cewek-cewek lain… dan elo ga tau…. Padahal kalo lo terima telfon atau sedikit asik smsan ma orang dia dengan offensif bakal nanya “DARI SIAPA???” (huuuu egois emang tuh!! Or malah possesif ya???)

•    Dan bla bla bla bla bla… masih banyak siiiih curhat lainnya….

*sigh*
Well ladies… I’m a lawyer… konsultan hukum,  bukan psikolog apalagi konsultan percintaan dan perkawinan… wehehehehehe… and Still I’m also have my own problems… huhuhuhuhu… Jadi jangan mengharapkan gue akan memberikan jawaban yang baik dan benar… (bueeeeeeeh….)

Dan sebagaimana bosen nya gue mendengar curhat-curhat itu, gue juga bosen curhat disini. Setelah dua tahun lebih melalang buana di ranah blogsphere nya FS, sekarang gue memutuskan untuk hengkang. Pindah menulis ke ranah yang lain… hihihihi
Dimana nya belum dipastikan. Akan ada pengumuman lebih lanjut. Soalnya rumah barunya masih berantakan. Masih jetlag gue make nya… hehehehehe

Ya sudah gitu ajah… See ya around… *grin*

If Tomorrow Never Comes

If tomorrow never comes
what will you do in this last day

For I
that stuck in the moment
that lost in nowhere
with this wishing to I never been born at all

For I
that clueless
with this wishing to I could turn back the time

For I
that unaccompanied

..........

then realized
I'm not half the man I used to be
I've turn to be somebody else
and everything will never be the same anymore

Tentang Ulang Tahun...

Beeeeeuuuuh...

udah 29 tahun hari ini umur gue... hehehehehehe...
tahun terakhir kepala 2.... *hiks*

ulang tahun kali ini... ugh! dunno... gue ngga ngerti apa yang gue rasain...
ulang tahun kali ini... gue bareng keluarga gue, ada suami... tapi ga ada bokap...
kayak lebaran kemaren, rasanya aneh.
Tahun kemaren gue cuma kumpul ma temen-temen deket gue, ga punya pacar, tapi gue masih denger suara bokap nelfon gue ngucapin selamat ulang tahun.
Tahun ini, gue kumpul sama semua keluarga gue... but no hug from my father.. *hiks*

well...

abis pulang makan-makan neh ma keluarga... lama banget rasanya ngga begitu. Terakhir makan bareng di luar rumah, ya ma bokap... huhuhuhuhu...

makanya gue ga ngerti sama perasaan gue sekarang. sumpah ngga ngerti!
orang awal hari tepat jam 12 dini hari aja gue mulai dengan ngerasain eneq setengah mati and mual-mual. Insomnia gue langsung kumat. Sholat subuh aja sampe telat..
Awal hari ini parah lah pokoknya...

well...

anyway, gue tetep bersyukur kok masih di kasih kesempatan sampe umur segini sama Allah. masih di kasih kesempatan untuk kumpul bareng ma keluarga.
sampe sini aja gue  udah bersyukur banget ma Allah... mudah-mudahan kesempatan itu masih panjang...

eh iya, ma kasih buat semua temen-temen yang udah ngasih ucapan mulai dari jam 12 tadi malem sampe sekarang... ma kasih udah inget ma gue, and ma kasih buat doa-doa nya....
kado nya di tunggu yaaaaa... hehehehehe

Torn between Two Choices

I've made this questioning to all my close friend this morning: How do you decide between two hard choices? and from all the answered that cames to me, I goes with this summary :

1. List out the advantages and disadvantages of each option for short, mid and long-term.
2. Evaluate the advantages/disadvantages of each option against your goals.
3. Talk with others about your options and advtanges/disadvantages to determine if you've overlooked any.
4. Determine what you "gut" instinct is telling you to do.
5. Make decision and don't look back.

Geee.... I wish it was that easy...
I'm still clueless.

- Courage -

*this post is dedicated to SW*

Mendengarkan keluh kesah seorang teman - dari mulai gue mo berangkat ke kantor, sepanjang perjalanan gue ke kantor, sampe akhirnya gue tiba di kantor – mengenai apa yang terjadi dalam kehidupannya lately, yang membuat dia takut untuk melangkah maju karena merasa tidak cukup “punya senjata” buat menang, gue jadi inget cerita dalam buku “To Kill a Mockingbird” nya Harper Lee. Ada satu quote yang sampe sekarang masih gue lekat di otak gue, ketika Atticus menggunakan Mrs. Dubose sebagai contoh nyata untuk menunjukan kepada Jem bahwa “courage isn’t a man with a gun, but someone who fight for what’s right whether he or she wins or not”.

Inget quote itu, gue jadi inget quote sebelumnya dibuku itu juga, dimana ketika Mrs. Dubose sudah meninggal dan Atticus mencoba menerangkan ke Jem bahwa Mrs, Dubose itu pernah menjadi pencandu morfin, tapi dia berjuang melawan kecanduan itu sebelum dia meninggal dan dia berhasil, meskipun dia hanya punya beberapa bulan untuk tetap hidup. Bagian yang gue suka banget dari chapter ini adalah ketika Jem mampu buat ngeliat what real courage was -- "It's when you know you're licked before you begin but you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what. You rarely win, but sometimes you do.” And Mrs. Dubose wins!!!

Yup! Bagian itu yang bikin gue - beberapa tahun yang lalu - mampu to stand up, head up, have a brave to face the world again. Biar pun gue tau resiko nya gue bakal jatuh lagi, sakit lagi, tapi yang paling penting adalah gue berani memulai (meski gue tau gue akan kalah sebelum memulai) dan nyelesaiin apa yang udah gue mulai itu. Kayak Mrs. Dubose.

Dan pengalaman itu yang tadi gue share ke temen gue.
Dan sesi curhat colongan tadi pagi, bikin gue berkaca sama diri gue sekarang, ketika gue butuh keberanian to fight this horrible feeling to face something (that-I-even-not-dare-to-say), kenapa gue sampe melupakan Mrs. Dubose’s courage ya? Kenapa juga harus takut?

*btw, itu buku ada dimana ya… jadi pengen baca lagi..*

Dude, if you happen to read this post… you should know that life is full of choices. Dan satu pilihan yang kita pilih akan membawa kita ke pilihan-pilihan berikutnya. Kalo kata si Iriel,… “…one thing lead to another…”, and what we really need is just a courage to fight in that battle, whether we will win or not.

And I hope.. I (and you too) win this battle.

All I Am

Who do you think you see
When you look at me
Is it somebody strong
Somebody you could admire

And who do you think I am
when I take your hand
Are you counting on me
To fill your dreams and your desires

Well all I am
is lonely just like you
All I wanna do
is have one dream comes true
All I am
is handing you my heart
and hoping to be part of you

Who do you think you are
Standing in the dark
Are you waiting for me
Why can't I reach you from here

oh, how do I get to you
won't you let me through
don't you think maybe we
have something special to be shared

Well all I am
is lonely just like you
All I wanna do
is have one dream comes true
All I am
is handing you my heart
and hoping to be part of you

All I Am - Heart Wave
(in memoriam perjalanan Jakarta-Bandung-Jakarta-Tangerang-Jakarta =P)



This song is for you hunny...
Semoga ngga sedih lagi...
Maaf ya ditinggal seminggu... hehehehehe =)

...In The End...

Once, sometimes I wonder, if we're all destined for the end, why should we bother with what we're doing or trying to achieve?

But then I realized -like I said to someone- destiny is what I make... whatever path I choose that is my destiny... that is why life is a journey, not a destination.

A piece of sad news last week from one of celebrity here caused a storm in my thoughts and feelings. And I couldn't express them properly. I came up with something like this:

Life is short, and we're making it shorter.

Pain is inevitable, and we're bringing more of it upon ourselves.

Hope - we live to dream; we die unfulfilled.

Destiny - do we make up our own paths, or were we given from the start?

Happiness is the satisfaction we love to have.

Regrets - I have a few and it's too late to fix them.

It was upsetting. It made me take a serious look at my own life - was I wasting it? Was I making the best of it? Had I been putting too much emphasis on superficial things and forgetting the rest?

I tried so hard, and got so far
But in the end, it doesn't even matter
I had to fall, to lose it all
But in the end, it doesn't even matter
(In The End - Linkin Park)

Not a Sour Grapes

It feels terrible to live a life unfulfilled.

When things you want are within reach you don't tend to appreciate them. Then you spend a lot of time chasing after those you can't get easily.
What if the chasing has unconsciously become the satisfaction that you look for?
What if you're only satiable with what you cannot have?

You may think they were sour grapes. But they may not have been sour after all.

Flying High, Going Where?

Again, someone send me this picture through email.
And as usual, it got me to think about something (why a picture always leaves a lot of questions in my mind??? aaaarrrrgh!)

Contrails are trails of condensed air exhaust from aircraft engines when flying at high altitudes. From the ground, they look like white streaks across the sky. I had a rare chance to see them at a much closer distance from the another aircraft (sapa juga sih yang pernah liat... hihihihi).

The sight seemed to represent the progress of life. The sky is seamless, but which direction are you heading to? Are you merely following the short-lived contrails left behind by others as guidance? And, as you cruise along, you too are making contrails you cannot turn your head to see but they may be leading or misleading others.

But whatever happens, from the ground these white lines are only temporary, and whichever direction you go, moments later when they disappear from the sky your track becomes history and may only be remembered with an image capture (spectacular image isn't it?).

...With You...

Now i'm sure...
With you, we'll flying together
Catching thousand of dreams
Until the sky itself make us flying

With You...
I will tell my secrets and my fairytails
I will tell you my dreams, my illusion friend
And i know you'll have a lots of time to listen

I will never know what the future brings
But as you said to me, you'll take the risks for being with me...
With you, i'm sure

I'm thankful I met you, Dear

Spam SMS Menyebalkan!

Waktu di salah satu milis yang gue ikutin heboh soal spam SMS beberapa bulan yang lalu, gue rada bertanya-tanya sebenernya, apaan sih spam SMS, kalo spam email sih gue tau... Tapi rada ngga peduli juga, karena gue sebagai pelanggan Halo Telkomsel sejak medio tahun 97an ngga pernah tuh dapet SMS-SMS seperti yang diributin di milis itu.

Dan ketika dua bulan yang lalu gue memutuskan untuk menggunakan operator lain untuk memisahkan urusan kerja dan urusan pribadi gue di dua nomor berbeda, dan berniat untuk menggunakan layanan Blackberry nya dalam waktu dekat (cuma handset belum bisa kebeli... hiks... *grin*), mendaftarlah gue ke XL Xplore. Sejak dua bulan nomor itu aktif, sejak saat itu lah gue selalu dibombardir dengan spam-spam SMS yang terus terang sangat menyebalkan, mulai dari gue bangun tidur sampe waktu gue mo tidur lagi! Dan yang bikin paling menyebalkan adalah isi nya itu ga penting banget!!!!

Yang paling parah, spam-spam SMS itu bisa masuk sampe puluhan setiap hari nya. Kayak hari ini aja, sampe jam gue nulis blog ini (which is jam gue menunjukan pukul 11:47 AM) udah ada 3 spam SMS masuk di inbox gue. Gue lagi ngebayangin kalo seandainya layanan Blackberry nya sudah gue pergunakan secara pribadi, kan akan sangat mengganggu kalo pas gue lagi nunggu-nunggu email penting ternyata yang masuk malah spam SMS. Aaaaarrrrgh... that will be so annoying!!!

Gue heran deeeh kenapa sih XL 818 itu senang sekali men-spam pelanggan-pelanggannya dengan SMS-SMS ngga penting itu? Ngga cukup kah dengan mereka menpromosikan acara tersebut di iklan-iklan yang mereka buat di media massa, sehingga harus juga men-spam pelanggan? Dan kalo emang XL mendapatkan keuntungan dari spamming ke pelanggan, harusnya yaaaa ada timbal balik dong buat pelanggan yang di spam. Gratis biaya telfon or GPRS mungkin? hehe..

Ada yang tau cara filtering spam SMS ini?
Kalo di email sih kan tinggal di setting untuk di saring oleh si mail client untuk mengurangi datangnya spam email. Tapi kalo SMS kan merupakan satu kiriman yang ngga bisa kita tolak. Semua kiriman SMS akan dengan lancar masuk ke dalam inbox hape. Jadi secara teknis rasanya ngga mungkin ditolak... hueeeeeeh!!! Beda dengan telfon yang bisa kita reject atau di keep silent dengan sama sekali ga diangkat, kalo SMS.. akan tetap terkirim!
Atau ada yang tau smartphone yang bisa blacklisting SMS? =P
Atau bikin protes yoook ke operator yang suka ngirim spam SMS... hehehehehe

a new day?

A lot of things happen last day... And when I opened up my eyes this morning, there's one quote that repeating cross my mind. It says "There's only two choices when you wake up from your sleep in the morning, either you can continue to sleep and continue your dream OR you can get up from your bed to begin a day and catch up what you dream!"
*has forgotten from where I've got that quote...*

so well,... here I am...
and I guess you know what I choose.. *grin*

It's monday morning... hell yeah it's a new day!
Thanks to God,... Thanks to you all my deareast friends...

and thanks to you too, honey...

Vicious Circle

Some people just never learn... well yeaaaaah... that's including me sometimes...

Why do you keep falling in the same situation? Why do you keep being taken advantage of? Why do you keep getting the same sad ending? Why do you keep hoping for the best?

If history has taught us anything, it is not to repeat yourself. Yet we find ourselves trapped in a roundabout making the same mistakes over and over again. You know, or at least you seem to know, how to get out of this spiral dive before hitting the ground, but stop short of pressing the eject button freeing yourself from eternal destruction.

What's Next???

I still keep in touch with friends that I made in the previous chapter of my life.

This morning I chatted with one of them on the phone. About one year ago we were heading off to different directions - I found a job that finally suited my lifestyle, while she was due to return to Jogja not knowing what might happen. Today things have worked out well for both of us; for myself in particular I carry on doing what I enjoy, with a much better salary than the previous job while living in a city with all this stuff I need...

For most people, they'd feel life just couldn't be better; for me, however, I'm starting to wonder what may happen next. Life just seems to have been too easy. "I get what I want" has become my motto, at least for this year so far.

I still intend to resume my advocate license. And as luck would have it, last week while meeting some old friends I got to know an experienced advocate and we've been talking a lot about our advocating experience. He even offered a couple of lessons for free so that I could hopefully one day achieve his level of success.

So.. what's next?  Becoming a full time advocate?  Starting my own law firm?  Finding Mr Right or Quite Right?

(not) Lost In Translation

Baru aja nyelesaian dealing ma orang-orang Jepang, kepala gue udah serasa mau pecah lagi... sia-sia deh keceriaan habis long weekend kemaren di Carita, langsung ilang ga berbekas!!! ...hehehehe...

Berawal dari sebuah sms yang masuk pada pukul 17.15 WIB dari Sabtu tanggal 7 April 2007. Bunyi nya singkat aja,.. diharapkan kedatangannya pada meeting di Peacock Cafe The Sultan Hotel jam 19.00 WIB. Hormat saya, Ampuh. SMS yang mampu bikin gue langsung protes... "gue lagi liburaaaaaaaaaaan..." tapi percuma aja karena gue emang sangat diharapkan untuk datang. Jadi lah gue terpaksa mengakhiri liburan gue di Carita hari Minggu pagi dengan terbirit-birit pulang ke Jakarta.

Sampe di Jakarta, langsung heboh telfon sana sini untuk memastikan masalah meeting tersebut. Satu hal yang pasti adalah meeting untuk dealing mengenai Perjanjian Pengikatan Jual Beli tanah proyek Gorontalo dan Pihak Keduanya adalah Japanese. Sampe disini sound interesting karena gue pikir kedatangan gue adalah bukannya hanya karena masalah dealing Perjanjian yang emang udah kerjaan gue sehari-hari, tapi juga lebih ke masalah kendala bahasa... yang pastinya (gue pikirrrrrr...) banyakan ngomong Inggris nya doooong...

Jam 18.30 gue udah sampe di Peacock Cafe, tempat di mana meeting akan dilangsungkan. Ketemu dengan co-worker gue, discuss sebentar masalah project ini sampe akhirnya the Japanese coming straight on 7.00 PM... (huwaaaah Jepang emang selalu tepat waktu!!!).

And...... meeting was about to open...

when suddenly I realize that THEY ARE NOT TALKING IN ENGLISH AT ALL!!!!!! Dan hanya ngerti Bahasa Indonesia sepotong-sepotong!!!
Oh My GOD.......
and the stupid thing is no one told me about the language before!!!!! D**N!!! hellooooo... where's the translator???!!!!

Jadi lah ini dealing terlama dan terpanjang yang pernah gue lakukan because everything explain in Bahasa... dan harus dilakukan dengan sangat pelaaaaaaaan-pelaaaaaaaan... *d'oh*

Actually sih mereka ngerti kalo gue ngomong in English, tapi mereka ngga bisa ngomong nya (that arogant Japanese that they won't learn English at all..). So, gue pikir ngapain gue capek-capek ber-Inggris ria, tapi ternyata mereka ga respon juga. Akhirnya yaaaaa... jadi lah dealing seperti yang gue bilang di atas tadi...
*huwaaaaaaah... cuapeeeee deeeeeh*

Tapi yaaaaa untung nya dealing selesai juga barusan. Setelah bikin gue *sakit kepala mode on* seharian ini... kerjaan itu selesai juga. Sampe diprotes sama divisi laen, kita kapan lo urus chiiiiii... Aduuuh maaf kan diriku ya hari ini ga bisa melayani semuanya... wakakakaka... kalo bisa gue cloning diri gue jadi 10, gue lakukan deh pastinya... =P

Satu hal yang pasti gue belajar,... Bahasa itu penting banget biar ga lost in translation kayak gue kemaren. So, sebangga apa pun kita ma bahasa yang kita punya, belajar bahasa lainnya itu penting banget kalo mau punya bisnis berskala internasional!... terutama yaaaa bahasa internasional yang diterima semua umat deeeeh... hehehehehe...

yuuuuuks....
*buru-buru ngacir ke pusat bahasa..... mo belajar bahasa apa lagi yaaa???*

Past - Present - Future

A thought arised from a Carrie Bradshaw quote, "can you get to your future if your past is present?" (helllooooo Sex n The City fans... correct me if I'm wrong...)

In a world moving so quickly that you already start chatting up another person before you even finish with the first one, we have an inclination to classify people by the bad things they did - liars, cheaters, or whatever - yet we leave it there after we've moved on. We come to believe and accept that a past liar will always lie.

Is it fair that people are judged by what they did in the past? More importantly, is it fair if people judge you by your past behaviour?

… hanya memilih yang agak berbeda, salah ya?

Semalam, pada saat sedang menunggu lift di kantor, seorang rekan kerja yang kebetulan berpapasan dengan gue terbengong-bengong melihat “bawaan” gue; tas laptop berisi macbook putih kesayangan gue terselempang di bahu kanan gue, kuping terpasang earphone yang sedang mendengarkan lagu favorite gue lewat iPod, bahu kiri gue tersandar tas kerja gue, dan kedua tangan gue lagi asik mengutak-atik PDA phone. Melihat itu spontan rekan kerja itu gue berkomentar “typical cewek banget sih lo…”. Gue menoleh dengan pandangan ga ngerti, yang kemudian dilanjutkan sama rekan kerja gue itu dengan komentar “… ribet!”. Heh? Maksudnya?? Pengen ngedebat, apa daya lift gue udah keburu terbuka dan menyuruh gue untuk segera turun ke bawah.

Pernah juga, beberapa minggu yang lalu, pada saat gue lagi nongkrong di resto favorite gue di salah satu tempat nongkrong di selatan Jakarta yang kebetulan menyediakan jaringan wireless gratis, bertemu dengan seorang teman yang terheran-heran melihat kegiatan gue saat itu; asik mengutak-atik macbook gue (kaaaan ada wireless gratis yaaaks… hehe), sambil mendengarkan lagu-lagu dari iPod, sementara di samping macbook gue tercolok PDA phone gue lewat kabel data yang kebetulan lagi gue synchronize. Teman gue itu segera menginterupt kegiatan gue dengan komentar “Lo kayak cowok aja!”. Seketika kegiatan gue berhenti. Pengen ngedebat, tapi speechless. Merasa sayang meninggalkan kegiatan asik gue hanya untuk berdebat kusir yang ngga penting. Jadi lah pada waktu itu reaksi gue hanya tersenyum.

Barusan, chating di YM dengan seorang teman yang tinggal di luar sana, mengeluh lagi punya sedikit masalah dengan GF-nya. Ketika ditanya kenapa, jawaban yang keluar adalah”… biasa cewek… sensitif!” Lagi-lagi pengen ngedebat, sayangnya keburu dipanggil petinggi. Jadi lah dia gue tinggalkan dengan pertanyaan, “emang yang sensitif cewek doang, emang cowok ngga boleh sensitif, emang cowok sensitif identik dengan banci?”

Hmmmmm… Jadi inget salah satu tulisan seorang teman di blognya : http://terbanglahlbhtinggi.multiply.com/

Tak ada yang sadar atas keberadaan sebuah absurditas telanjang yang disodorkan oleh kenyataan pemuda “A”; ambiguitas dan inkonsistensi pilihan antara pernyataan pertama bahwa warna hitam adalah jantan, versus ketidakpraktisan pada pernyataan berikutnya sebagai sesuatu hal yang kewanitaan. Aneh? Ah, siapa bilang. Buktinya semua tertawa. Kebenaran mayoritas.

Tapi apa iya; jenis kelamin ditentukan oleh pilihan warna, atau pilihan sikap yang praktis versus yang ribet? Atau tingkat kebawelan? Atau apakah elo seorang yang sensitif dan berempati atau tidak? Atau gimana cara elo menyetir mobil/motor? Atau mungkin cara kita melangkahkan kaki?

Bagaimana dengan operasi penggantian kelamin yang mahal dan kontroversial itu? Bagaimana dengan mereka yang sudah “menyimpang” secara fisik sejak lahir (baca: banci, bences, waria), atau mereka yang menyimpang secara mental psikologis akibat pengaruh lingkungan? (baca: kemayu, tomboy, maskulin, feminim, etc), maupun mereka yang mengalami gejala homosexualitas?

Sebenarnya tanpa kita sadari, banyak hal berupa “mitos”, yang diterima dan dipercaya sebagai suatu kebenaran yang bersifat umum – dan mengikat, tentunya.

Penilaian sosial?? Might be… Kesimpulan yang bisa gue ambil kalo inget kejadian itu adalah kalo ribet itu identik dengan cewek, dan kegiatan mengutak-atik gadget itu adalah cowok banget! Emang cewek ngga boleh tanggap technology? And sapa bilang cuma cewek yang gaptek? Ada kok cowok-cowok yang gue kenal juga gaptek. Kalo misalnya ditanya alasannya, jawabannya pasti “ngga mau ribet.. kayak cewek aja…”. Eh?? Lagi-lagi ribet identik dengan cewek.

Minggu kemaren, pas lagi iseng blog walking ke salah satu blog yang diacu sama seorang teman, gue menemukan tulisan ini : http://ionosfer.multiply.com/journal

Jika scope nya diperkecil, seperti kali lain kawanku berujar “Ooo…pantes....orang Jawa”. Celotehan yang terlontar dari satu kelakuan saja –katakan, kalau minum teh harus manis dan Kenthal–, telah membawa keseluruhan sifat Jawa di-cap ke jidatku:Plek, komplit!. Padahal aku tak pernah tinggal di jawa lebih lama dari satu minggu. Dari puluhan juta suku jawa dengan keanekaragamannya, rasanya hanya sampai 25% sifat sifat Jawa yang menempel didiriku.

Aaaaah… jadi inget kalo makan bareng teman-teman di restoran yang kebetulan menyedikan lalapan dan sambel. Dan ketika melihat gue mengambil lalapan-lalapan dan sambal-sambal dengan porsi yang sedikit lebih banyak dari yang mereka pikirkan, seketika sebuah cap melekat didiri gue… “sunda bangeeeeet…”. Padahal, seperti juga Mas Ionosfer, gue ga pernah tinggal lebih dari dua minggu di daerah kelahiran nyokap bokap gue itu. Dan, seperti juga Mas Ionosfer, rasanya ga sampe 25% sifat ke-sunda-an yang menempel pada gue, meskipun langsung atau pun tidak gue dibesarkan dengan adat istiadat sunda.

*FYI, gue lahir dan gede di kota Palembang yang rasanya jauh sekali atmosfer lingkungannya dengan Sunda.* 

Tapi, well ya itu dia tadi… penilaian sosial yang berbicara. Ketika orang tua gue yang berdarah Sunda, orang-orang sekeliling gue mahfum akan kesukaan gue pada lalapan dan sambel, dan itu adalah sangat wajar. It’s already run in the blood!!!... gue, sunda banget, hanya karena makanan?????????

*Padahal kan gue juga penggila sushi… tapi kenapa ga ada yang bilang kalo gue Jepang banget… =P malah beberapa ada yang bilang, lo kan orang Sunda kok doyan sushi sih?*

Dan karena penilaian sosial lah yang membuat nyokap gue, pada waktu gue masih sekitar kelas dua atau tiga SD, dengan sigap mendaftarkan diri gue ke sebuah sanggar yang mengajarkan tari-tarian dan modelling dan memaksa gue untuk selalu datang kesana setiap minggunya, pada waktu menemukan kenyataan bahwa gue lebih menyukai kemana-mana pergi dengan pedang-pedangan gue ketimbang menyeret-nyeret boneka beruang.

Atau lain waktu, ada seorang teman yang curhat masalah pacar… (biasa deeeeeh…). Ketika sampai pada masalah kejelekan si cowok, tiba-tiba seorang teman lainnya bilang “cowok lo Aries kan,… pantes aja kelakuannya begitu!” Huh? Ada lagi neh penilaian sosial dengan cara begini. Ketika seorang yang agak sedikit suka tebar pesona pasti bintang nya aries, atau pun ketika ada seseorang yang selalu penuh pertimbangan identik dengan bintang Libra. Padahal, ada berjuta-juta orang-orang berbintang Aries atau pun Libra di dunia ini, apakah harus selalu dengan sifat-sifat yang sama? Bukankah karakter itu hasil pembentukan lingkungan dan bagaimana cara dia dididik? Bisa aja dong ada orang yang suka tebar pesona juga tapi bintang nya Aquarius, atau malah Libra… and vice versa, seseorang yang penuh pertimbangan tapi berbintang Scorpio atau malah Aries juga…
*garuk-garuk kepala karena bingung*

Penilaian sosial seperti yang gue jabarkan di atas tadi, hanya terjadi di Indonesia atau juga menjadi penting di negara lain ya??... Dengan segala penilaian yang ada: ribet, sensitif dan maen boneka adalah identik dengan kaum perempuan, versus masalah praktis, pedang-pedangan dan segala hal yang berbau tekhnologi diperuntukan bagi kaum laki-laki; kesukaan dengan makanan-makanan tertentu identik dengan salah satu suku; atau tebar pesona itu adalah orang Aries dan penuh pertimbangan adalah Libra.

Padahal, itu adalah sebuah pilihan.

Dan ketika, sebuah pilihan datang pada  gue, dan pilihan itu agak berbeda dari orang-orang kebanyakan - sama seperti pilihan soal melajang - selalu akan muncul pertanyaan-pertanyaan yang buat gue ngga penting buat gue jawab. Contoh, ketika gue lebih memilih menggunakan macintosh ketimbang menggunakan “jendela”, ketika gue lebih tertarik dengan artikel kapan Leopard akan launching ketimbang artikel kapan Vista akan launching, ketika gue memilih makan sushi ketimbang makan nasi liwet (baca: elo kan orang Sunda, kok doyan sushi sih?), ketika gue ternyata kok ga kayak orang yang berbintang Libra, ketika gue lebih suka mengutak-atik gadget ketimbang masak, atau ketika gue lebih memilih makan di restoran sebelah sana yang rada sepi ketimbang di restoran yang ramai dikunjungi orang hanya karena ada persepsi sosial bahwa restoran yang ramai pasti makanannya enak…

Anyway, itu semua adalah pilihan… Kenapa sih selalu ada pertanyaan atas pilihan-pilihan, ketika pilihan itu berbeda dari orang kebanyakan.
Seperti kata Mas TLT “Sebenarnya tanpa kita sadari, banyak hal berupa “mitos”, yang diterima dan dipercaya sebagai suatu kebenaran yang bersifat umum – dan mengikat, tentunya.”

Dan ketika semua pertanyaan-pertanyaan itu dibalikarahkan menjadi, emang salah ya kalo gue lebih suka menggunakan mac, emang salah ya kalo gue suka sushi, emang salah ya kalo gue suka utak-atik gadget, emang salah ya kalo gue belum menikah??? Bisa tebak jawabannya??? Ini nih….”Yaaaa… ngga salah siiih…” Laaaaah, emang ngga ada yang salah dengan sebuah pilihan atas sesuatu di luar orang-orang kebanyakan. Lain hal ketika lo memutuskan untuk memakai narkoba. Itu sih jelas salah! Di kasus gue, toh kesukaan gue makan sushi ngga menghilangkan darah gue yang keturunan sunda, atau kegilaan gue pada gadget ngga menghapus identitas gue sebagai cewek, atau sifat gue yang rada keras kepala ngga mengubah bintang gue dari Libra menjadi Leo.

Jadi, ketika pilihan gue sedikit berbeda dengan orang kebanyakan,… ngga salah kan?
Justru gue lebih merasa punya “identitas”… unique! hehehehehehehe...
Berani tampil beda???

Some people think that the physical things, define what's within
I've been there before, but that life's a bore
So full of the superficial
(If I Ain’t Got You – Alicia Keys)

so textbook of me

It sounds cliché…but sometimes it's true: "it's not you, it's me"....phrase of the month... it's my new thing. Yes I'm distant lately, yes I'm slightly withdrawn from my normal activities…. But… really.. This is another self that a lot of other people know. The self that is busy with work, busy with obligations, and tries to make time for people when she can.

Don't be offended. I'm just busy. I care. But I'm just busy. Unless you are a legal review, a multiple choice question, a gift of Conservation Lands, or someone who will carry me to bed when I'm tired and my brain no longer works….then chances are… between now and... well maybe a couple weeks ahead we will talk less and see less of one another. It's not because don't like you, it's nothing personal.

It's not you… it's me.

honesty

It's much easier to make up a lie than to tell the truth. We all do it, yet at the same time we demand honesty we cannot always give.

But why is it so hard to say what's on your mind? Are we simply trying to be polite, trying not to be hurtful? Or attempting to avoid embarrassment?

Dishonesty hurts much more when it comes from someone you trust. You never thought there would be any fallacy, until a deliberate twist of truth throws the relationship up in the air.

Then again I just lied to a person tonight - whom I obviously don't trust.

Fortune Telling

January is the time of the year when people look for clues for what may happen in 2007. For now, maybe it’s too little too late, but when a friend drops by to visit me at the office for lunch, that made me thinking of something. She told me that her fortuneteller described how 2006 hadn't been a good one, and that things would improve next year. Other revelations included she would start her own business later in her life, and would have to continue working until the normal retirement age.

In hindsight, it was quite true. She was separated from her boyfriend for over six months because of work, which hadn't helped either with ridiculous workload and demanding bosses. About two weeks ago she resigned from the job after accepting an offer from a better organization.

I've never really got myself hooked into fortune telling. I admit reading the horoscopes every now and then out of curiosity, but have never really gone overboard adorning myself with lucky color of the day. Personal fortune reading can be incorrect - if doctors can arrive at a wrong diagnosis, surely these psychics can misinterpret the road ahead.

I wonder if it may be worthwhile getting a second opinion. I had my annual checkup the other night and my dentist said my teeth were fine, even though my gumlines had receded a little too much that I suspected it might be first sign of gingivitis. He insisted it was normal for my age.

I still believe my pinball machine theory (blog entry "Life As A Pinball Machine", January 22, 2007). Just like in those plane crashes there was always a person who happened to miss the flight by chance and therefore they didn't die, but I wonder if they had been onboard perhaps the accidents might not have occurred.

Can someone really have the ability to zoom into your future life and reveal every major course of action?

This one is a question for you………

If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call?
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all

I never know what the future brings
but I know you're here with me now
We'll make it through
and I hope you are the one I share my life with...

If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I praying you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don’t understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way I can stay in your arms?

* titipan temans... kok pas ya?? xixixixixi.... =P

Ironic

I kept getting a past hit by Alanis Morissette stuck in my head:

"Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
when you think everything's okay and everything's going right
and life has a funny way of helping you out
when you think everything's gone wrong and
everything blows up in your face"

Will you end up living a better life worrying about how things will not turn out fine?

It got me thinking about expectations and experience. In services marketing, the feeling of satisfaction comes about when a customer experiences better than what he expects, and vice versa.

After all, is life merely about meeting your expectations? Say, I'm picky about men when it comes to relationships - thus I've been single, and I don't seem to be satisfied.

But does it mean I should start worrying about that, in essence reducing my expectations so that the chance of being satisfied will increase?

*gue yang lagi capek ma pikiran-pikiran gue sendiri... hiks

shout outs to the single-ers

I have several single friends out there that read this blog religiously and I wanted to direct you to a few STC quotes that were shared with me more than 2 years ago (gasp!) when I got myself out of something:

1) Relationships have been on the decline ever since women came out of the cave, looked around and said, "this isn't so bad."

2) No matter who broke your heart, or how long it takes to heal, you'll never get through it without your friends.

3) Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they're supposed to run wild until they find someone -- just as wild -- to run with.

Bottom line: Whatever quote works for you... or doesn't... you aren't defined by your intimate relationships. Finding yourself after 2 years, 4 years, 7 years together can be daunting...but it’s also fun. Having good girlfriends in the mix doesn't hurt either.

Best solutions: Go dancing with your girlfriends and/or have dinner parties with loads of wine and friendly faces. Rebound boys/girls aren't so bad either.

Sorry kalo agak sedikit basi.. hihihihi..
Gara-gara bantuin acara nikahan one of a good friend seharian tadi, the questions about being a single lil bit disturbing my mind up till now!!!….
Hwuaaaaah… capek deeeeeh!

For Conny and Budi, happy marriage yaaaaa… may u both live happily ever after…

o·ver·in·dulge

o·ver·in·dulge (vr-n-dlj)

v. o·ver·in·dulged, o·ver·in·dulg·ing, o·ver·in·dulg·es
1. To indulge (a desire, craving, or habit) to excess: overindulging a fondness for chocolate.
2. To indulge (a person) excessively: overindulges his children.
To indulge in something to excess.

I think I over-indulged many times over this weekend. Company, visitors, music, eating dinners out, walks for breakfasts and staying up way too late. I'm paying for it today. Its only noonish and I'm tired and ready for a nap. I'm learning to do what I want, when I want, and indulge in what I wish. It's tough sometimes being yourself out in the open and letting people see you let your hair down, but I'm starting to just feels right for me....and worrying less about everyone else. Thanks to all who participated in this weekends events.

Jakarta Pagi Ini

Eh mudah-mudahan sih gue ngga dituntut sama Slank gara-gara judul posting itu... hahahahahaha

Cuma mau curhat aja kalo gue cintaaaaaaa banget ma Jakarta pagi ini. Ngga panas (sejuk banget malahan....), trus ngga macet... gue dari rumah ke kantor cuma 10 menit aja gitu loooh... Coba kalo hari biasa... bisa 45 mennit!!!
Hwaaaaaah... asli gue suka banget ma Jakarta hari ini!!!

Andaikan jakarta tiap hari kayak gini yaaaa... *yeaaaah keep on dreaming, dreamer....*

Sooooo... holiday is coming. I'm going for vacation tommorrow... hehehe
Jadi ini bakal jadi posting terakhir gue di tahun 2006.
Last but not least, chi mau ngucapin SELAMAT IDUL ADHA  buat temen-temen yang ngerayain, and HAPPY NEW YEAAAAAAAAR......................

Happy Holiday guys... I see u next year.... xoxoxo

12 Step Program

Okay, so I know several people who have addictions. Something as small as caffeine or chocolate.... to the larger players such as narcotics and alcohol. I have been trying to walk through my own 12 step program. My addiction, if I had to narrow one down today would be that I put too much faith in the people around me. Sure, this sounds okay...but as of latest (maybe the last 7 months) this has not worked in my favor. Being nice and trusting is not a good characteristic when the world is full of people who love to prey on people like me. Yes, I'm getting a thicker skin. I'm starting my own '12 steps to growing out of being a pushover program'. My list looks a little like this:

1) When I greet people, stop saying... "hi.. how are you". Instead, I'm going to say things like, "Good morning" or "Hi there" and leave my salutations at that.
2) Talk to less strangers (unless I'm somewhere where I need to network, then its my job)
3) Stop trying to solve the world problems by putting my neck out for people.
4) Be more selfish.
5) Stop assuming people are going to do something that is ultimately unrealistic.
6) Don't take it personal when people disappoint.
7) Stop expecting, just ask.
8) Hug less, but smile the same amount.
9) Listen but don't put myself on the line to solve the problem. That's not my job.
10) Do more on my own and provide people with the tools to help themselves, but don't do tasks for them.
11) Listen to my stomach more.
12) Stay away from boys who are looking for a i) motivator, ii) cheerleader, iii) caregiver and look for men who are i) self sustaining, ii) educated with actual goals and mechanisms for achieving them, iii) are respectful and can be complimentary and thoughtful.

I don't think this is a tough list. But even number one I've been struggling with. Its tougher than you think.

Maybe I should add... 'make less lists' to my list. What are you addicted to?

Your Song

It's a little bit funny this feeling inside
I'm not one of those who can easily hide
I don't have much money but boy if I did
I'd buy a big house where we both could live

If I was a sculptor, but then again, no
Or a man who makes potions in a traveling show
I know it's not much but it's the best I can do
My gift is my song and this one's for you

And you can tell everybody this is your song
It may be quite simple but now that it's done
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind that I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world

I sat on the roof and kicked off the moss
Well a few of the verses well they've got me quite cross
But the sun's been quite kind while I wrote this song
It's for people like you that keep it turned on

So excuse me forgetting but these things I do
You see I've forgotten if they're green or they're blue
Anyway the thing is what I really mean
Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever see

And you can tell everybody this is your song
It may be quite simple but now that it's done
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind that I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world

lovely memory on Mega Kuningan @ 17 November 2006
...Thanks for singing this song for me...
xoxoxo

Seribu Keping Puzzles (Part 1)

Semalam seorang teman tiba-tiba nonggol di kamar gue. Pada saat itu gue lagi asik berkutat menyusun seribu keping puzzles bergambar lukisan menara eiffel yang gue beli di spore awal minggu kemarin, sehingga agak ngga perduli sama kehadiran dia di kamar gue. Temen gue - yang emang udah terbiasa gue cuekin, hehe – dengan santainya langsung mengacak-acak kotak cemilan gue, mencari-cari apa yang bisa dia embat sambil komentar pendek “lo lagi ngapain sih??”. Selesai mengacak-acak kotak cemilan gue, dia duduk di sebelah gue dan dengan mulut penuh dengan makanan hasil “rampokan”nya itu, dia cuma komentar “ooooh… lagi nyusun puzzle…”. Gue sih awalnya sempet melirik sebel gitu ke dia. Tapi abis itu gue ga perduli lagi dan tetap melanjutkan acara gue menyusun puzzle.. hehehe

Sekitar 15 menit baik gue maupun temen gue sama sekali ngga ngobrol. Kamar gue cuma penuh dengan suara mulut temen gue yang lagi mengunyah makanannya ditimpali dengan suara dari televisi gue yang channel nya diganti-ganti mlulu ma temen gue itu. Then, ntah dapet dari wangsit darimana, sambil merebahkan diri di tempat tidur gue, tiba-tiba temen gue ngomong gini.. “chi, kenapa lo ngga coba mengasosiasikan kepingan puzzle yang lagi lo susun itu dengan caranya lo menyusun lagi kepingan-kepingan hati lo?”. Gue menoleh ke temen gue itu dengan pandangan maksud looooo... tapi tetep dengan ngga berkata-kata sama sekali as gue juga langsung mengalihkan pandangan gue ke puzzle yang lagi gue susun.
“Gini deh filosofi-nya…” kata temen gue sambil mengambil salah satu kepingan puzzle yang udah gue pisahin dan memasangnya di salah satu lubang tersisa di gambar puzzle gue itu.
“Keping ini, lo anggap aja sebagai salah satu kepingan hati lo yang lagi tercecer ntah dimana which is puzzle ini ya lo anggap lah sebagai hati lo..” lanjut temen gue.
“Pada saat lo baru mulai menyusun puzzles ini, lo akan mulai dengan mencari-cari gambar yang cocok… trus lo mulai menyusun keping-keping ini sesuai dengan tempatnya kan…”
Gue masih diem ngga komentar sama sekali dan mulai ngga konsen dengan susunan puzzles gue.

“trus waktu lo nemu potongan-potongan yang cocok dan mulai membentuk sebuah gambar, lo seneng banget kaaan… tapi sekaligus juga jadi reseh, bertanya-tanya mana potongan yang lain, mengaduk-aduk tempat kepingan puzzles yang masih bersisa, mencari-cari potongan mana lagi yang cocok… secara ini masih banyak banget yaaaaa yang sisa.. hehehehehe”, dia ketawa-tawa sendiri sambil mencoba memasang-masang puzzles gue yang masih sisa banyak itu.
Gue masih ngga komentar sama sekali,… tapi juga ngga berusaha mencegah kelakukan temen gue yang rada norak itu. Honestly, gue penasaran menebak-nebak kearah mana omongan temen gue itu akan berlanjut.

“Nah… pada waktu lo lagi berusaha menyusun kepingan-kepingan hati lo yang kemaren berantakan itu, sama ngga dengan lo nyusun puzzles ini??? Sama kaaaaan… lo menebak-nebak dari mana lo mulai sambil lo melihat mana yang cocok trus lo mulai menulis satu potong, dua potong, tiga potong, kadang-kadang ketemu yang lo anggap cocok tapi ternyata ga sama dan lo harus ngelempar potongan itu balik ke kotaknya sambil ngedumel… that’s the same things honey…”
Gue masih diem ngga ngerti.

“Tapi ketika kepingan-kepingan yang cocok itu udah berhasil lo temukan then udah berbentuk sebuah gambar, lo seneng banget… Lo jadi semangat untuk menyusun kepingan-kepingan yang lain. Ada kalanya lo merasa capek, then lo merasa butuh istirahat. Lalu puzzle ini lo tinggal tidur. Lo biarin aja tergeletak ngga selesai dan lo sibuk sama kehidupan lo yang lain, which is tidur.. hahahahaha…”.
Still, no comment out from my mouth. Tapi rasanya gue udah mulai mengerti dengan apa yang dimaksud sama temen gue itu.

“tapi setelah selesai istirahat lo, lo kangen ma potongan-potongan puzzle lo. Penasaran banget pengen ngelanjutin walaupun dengan resiko capek, ketemu lagi dengan kepingan-kepingan yang ngga cocok yang bakal bikin lo sebel, mulai mengaduk-aduk kotak itu lagi… then lo finally dapet lagi bagian-bagian yang cocok and membentuk satu bagian gambar lagi… and lo jadi seneng banget, jadi semangat lagi… Begitu seterusnya sampe akhirnya kepingan-kepingan itu membentuk satu gambar utuh… dan lo pasti merasa suka cita banget karena satu tantangan lagi berhasil lo taklukin walaupun it’ll take a long time, bisa sebulan, dua bulan, 5 tahun...”

Gue masih terdiam. Masih terbengong-bengong mencoba mencerna apa arti di balik omongan temen gue tadi. Temen gue bangkit dari duduknya, menepok pipi gue sambil bilang “Think about that, deep inside you know that it’s true… gue balik dulu yaaaa…”, lalu temen gue itu dengan tidak bertanggungjawabnya ngeloyor pergi kearah pintu kamar gue sambil ngga lupa merampok lagi satu kantong cemilan gue, meninggalkan gue yang masih termangu-mangu memandang puzzles gue yang baru seperempat jadi itu dan juga kepingan-kepingan lain yang berserakan di sekelilingnya.
Sebelum temen gue bener-bener menghilang dari pintu kamar gue, gue akhirnya setengah berteriak nanya “trus… apa yang gue dapet kalo gue udah berhasil mencocokan kepingan terakhir gue? Jalan-jalan ke  Paris??” Temen gue noleh , then said “deal with your past… forgive… and before you realize that, you already start with a new born Chichi…”, cuma itu kata-kata yang keluar dari mulut temen gue sebelum dia bener-bener lenyap dari kamar gue.

Dan gue, tambah terbengong-bengong ga jelas gitu sepeninggalnya dia. Udah ga konsen lagi nyusun puzzle. Otak gue isinya begini :  U%58#9YI###%%!!!!!(&*(H*&)!!!! Atau dengan kata lain, PUYEEEEEENG!!!! Tapi gue juga ngga bisa berhenti mikir maksudnya temen gue itu. Lama gue merasa perlu mencerna lebih dalam kata-kata temen gue tadi then ‘till finally got the idea “OK, I got one challenge…”, gue cuma bisa ngedumel… “damn!!!! Kenapa sekarang dia jadi pinter begitu yaaaaaaa…”.

Hahahahahaha… kira-kira gue bisa ngga ya nyelesaiin puzzles yang udah gue mulai itu…

OK, I’M PICKY… SO WHAT????

Last nite, out of the blue, I've got an sms which is, in simple words, "SOK TAU BANGEEEEETTTT" from someone I didn't know who - my cellphone doesn't even recognize the number - and too chicken to show his/her "face" before me...
anyhow, the sms in sort judge me that I'm really have a high standard to decide with who I will spend the rest of my life and dengan PEDEnya sok nasehatin gue If I'm not get my self down to earth I will be lonely forever.... Huahahahahahaha... Sok tau banget kaaaaan... And still didn't want to show me his/her face, even just a name. CEMEN!!! She/he just told me that she/he are a friend who care about my problem... Huahahahahahahaha. I  was laughing out loud when I read that sms. Well, now I'm pretty sure that SHE/HE ARE REALLY NOT A FRIEND OF MINE, cause friends close to me must be well known about my life right now, about my dream, my thought and ga ada yang sok tau kayak dia.... hihihihi... kasian banget sih tuch orang...

okay, Talking about someone who I will spend the rest of my life with - or in sort, the right  man - are bring us to talk about commitment. It terms of relationships…commitment as a stand alone term, may not be my strong suit. BUT when I get into something I really get into it and commit myself to doing the best I can. If I believe in something, I will commit myself to the cause. And sure... I have my own criteria and standard to decide those stuff. Mind you, who doesn't?? I think everyone has their own criteria just like mine. Not really the same, but you must have your own standard, aren't you?? Basically, I did that because I want those commitment will be my lifetime relationship. For once in my lifetime. So, nothing's wrong to be picky, right? more than that, to be picky is a must!!! That's the reason I thought I have to decide that carefully. Brain, beauty and behavior are still a basic standard for me. I have a question for you guys who really know me intimately, did my standard too high and I really not down to earth? And with all I have right now (yeaaah u know it guys...), is it wrong If I make some standard to choose my right man? For sure, I want someone who much "better" than me... U know, men,.. they are all always have their own ego, right? For sure they didn't want to look "suck" after their spouse.

I made some criteria for myself (I'm deal with that so far, make some exception to some guys I've close with) and haven't found what I looking for yet, I don't think that it's a problem. Committing to a cause is hard, it can be very draining…inconvenient… lonely… and you often hit numerous roadblocks. I’m not always know what I am doing, but I try to make things better. When I made mistake, just face it! Everyone made a mistake.

and for YOU who send me those ridiculous sms last nite, Mind Your Own Business, Please...

…When U Were Here…

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. When someone is in your life for a reason, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed . They have come to assist you through a physically, emotionally or espiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at, an incovinient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.

Sometimes they die, sometimes they walk away, sometimes! As they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a season, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real, but only for a season!

Lifetime relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime.

(inspired by Pride & Prejudice….. I really love Kierra Knigtley in this movie….)

Maafin gue yaaaaaaa…

Waaaaah… udah denger takbiran di luar sana… bau masakan nyokap juga udah sampe ke kamar gue neh….
Woo hoo… artinya besok udah lebaran neeeeeh…
Udah ga wajib puasa lagi…
Sedih??? Pasti… udah terbiasa ma bangun jam 3 pagi soalnya… udah terbiasa ga makan and minum sepanjang hari sampe maghribh… udah terbiasa behave (hihihihi….)…
Jadi ilang deh kebersamaan bangun sahur, ngobrol-ngobrol sampe subuh di dapur, pulang kantor cepet-cepet biar bisa buka bareng di rumah, trus ke mesjid rame-rame buat tarawih…
Hwaaaaaah… asli sedih banget!!! Tapi sekaligus lega karena gue alhamdullilah bisa ngejalanin bulan puasa ini dengan (menurut gue seeeeeh…. :-p) baik… yaaa seengga-engganya (lagi-lagi menurut gue looooh… hehehehe) gue udah mampu lah bener-bener menjauh dari godaan-godaan yang ngga penting… and gue seneng banget akhirnya gue sampe juga dipenghujung ramadhan ini…
Eh iyaaaaa…. Ada satu lagi yang bikin gue sedih… Soalnya ada sebagian temen-temen yang udah lebaran hari ini… huhuhuhuhu… kenapa seh untuk hal yang satu ini sampe bisa ada perhitungan yang beda-beda… padahal kan bintang yang dipake untuk jadi perkiraan datengnya bulan syawal cuma satu… hiks….
Tapi ya sudahlah… mudah-mudah ngga bikin jadi perpecahan yaaaaa…. Mau lebarannya hari ini atau besok kan yang penting adalah menjadi fitrah dan saling memaafkan… hehehehehe… sok wise ga seeeeh gue… :-p
And ada yang lebih penting lagi buat dilakuin… yaituuuuuuu…. gimana caranya ngejaga sikap biar selalu kayak orang puasa meskipun kita ga lagi puasa… begitu siiih kata Didot, and gue setuju banget Dot!!! Mudah-mudahan gue bisa yaaaa…. Amiiiiin….

Jadiiiii…. Mumpung masih dikasih kesempatan sama Allah SWT untuk kembali menikmati ramadhan dan syawal tahun ini, chi mau ngucapin Minal Aidizin Wal Faizin, Mohon Maaf Lahir dan Bathin….

Selamat Idul Fitri 1427 H
Maafin chi ya guuuuuys….. :-)

REFLECTION (24 hours TO GO…)

My last day on 27...

 

 now... it’s just me and my shadow...

watching the clock tickling… (tick... tock… tick… tock…)

counting down…

 thinking…

 … what’ve been said and done so far…

some dreams…

some wishes…

some hopes…

mountains climbed…

nice friends and loving family I had…

 (alhamdullilah… terima kasih ya Allah…)

what the meaning that I will give in my life on 28 age?

being a better person… (I pray for this every year… *grin*)

blessing ??? for sureeeee…

loving more… giving more…

well… again… it’s all about choices, right???

*sigh* uuummmmm… *deep thinking*

what will I do on 28???

… Eeeeh belom chi…masih 23 jam 14 menit… yakin banget dikasih nyampe umur segitu… who knows what will happen after this….

Huh???

(praying…………………………………………………………… amieeeen)

…just bless me ya Allah…

…Aaaaarrrrgggghhhhh…

Ga konsen neeeeeh belajar buat ujian advokat besok… huhuhuhuhu

Ada apa seh dengan gue…

Sementara tawaran buat bersenang-senang datang mlulu dari tadi pagi…

…Aaaaarrrrrgggghhhhh…

Menyebalkan!!!!!!

The Boy From Back Then

I sat down and said

"I don't want to suffer"

But he told me

He had nothing to offer

No more

 

Now that I know that

I did not I didn't know

Now that I know that

I did not know you then

I didn't know you

 

(inspired by The Girl From Back Then – King of Convenience)

EVERY LIFE HAS A PURPOSE

Gara-gara hari minggu kemaren ditantangin nonton film “Lady in The Water” ma si Della, gue jadi dapet kata-kata yang gue pake buat judul di atas. Film yang akhirnya bikin gue merasa tertipu ma thriller (and ga bakal percaya lagi ma yang namanya thriller!!!) huahahahaha.. gue pikir film horor!!! Coba kalo yang buat bukan si M. Night Shyamalan, gue ogah kali nontonnya (karena gue emang ogah banget nonton film horor… huhuhuhu). Berhubung gue udah jadi salah satu pengemar Shyamalan sejak Sixth Sense-nya yang cool banget itu, ya gue terima deh tantangan si Della buat nonton. Hehehehehe…

Anyway, gue bukan mau ngomongin tuch film sekarang (tapi gue recommend kalian semua buat nonton film itu… :-p). Yang gue mau share sekarang adalah soal judul yang gue posting di atas. Kata-kata yang gue dapet dari dialog nya the narf named “Story” dengan Mr. Cleveland Heep, waktu Mr. Heep lagi rembukan ma temen-temennya di apartemen soal rencana untuk nolong Story. Waktu mereka lagi bingung nyari siapa di antara mereka yang adalah “The Interpreter”, which is orang yang bisa baca tanda-tanda alam dan mencari petunjuk dari hal tersebut, si Story tiba-tiba bilang “Every life has a purpose, you just have to listen to your voice within”.

That words like stuck in my head since then. That’s the reason I write this blog. Soalnya gue jadi inget sama salah satu buku favorit gue “The Alchemist” nya Paulo Coelho, yang udah berhasil menghancurleburkan keegosian gue dan membuat gue mengubah semua cara pandang gue soal menyikapi hidup gue.  That book also emboldening me to stay true to my dreams and always to listen to the voice within my heart, karena itu lah suara yang paling jujur.

"My heart is afraid that it will have to suffer," the boy confides to the alchemist one night as they look up at a moonless night.

"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself," the alchemist replies. "And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity." (The Alchemist)

Teori emang paling gampang ya… Prakteknya… susah soooob…

Berusaha yakin ma suara hati itu susah banget, lebih gampang denial and hope everything will be ok. Padahal, kalo denial, batin jadi tersiksa, and semuanya jadi salah. Kalo dipikir-pikir apa sih susahnya denger kata hati. Tapi ya itu tadi, kayak kata si Santiago di The Alchemist, apa yang suara kan oleh kata hati itu kadang-kadang bukan apa yang kita mau. Apa yang kita mau itu ada dipikiran kita, bukan di hati. Makanya suara hati suka kalah ma ambisi… hehehehe

Katanya suara hati itu yang nolong kita dalam perjalanan hidup mencapai tujuan. Tiap hidup kan pasti punya tujuan, kalo ngga ngapain juga kita hidup. Masalahnya adalah gimana cara mencapai tujuan itu tadi. But again, every life has a purpose... so that’s why life is in the journey, not the destination. Seperti juga perjalanan Santiago nyari “pot of gold” nya atau perjalanan Story untuk pulang lagi ke “blue world”, what you search for is usually RIGHT THERE all along, and that the journey you take to find it is about learning lessons and growing as a person. Coelho and Shyamalan speaks of how doing good deeds for others is eventually rewarded and though we don't know what our treasure will be, or where and how we will receive it, if we follow our heart, we will find it.

Lagi belajar dengerin suara hati nih buat ngambil keputusan. Kayak di salah satu blog yang pernah gue tulis, life is so simple… So, life does not need to be complicated, like Santiago set off to find his "pot of gold," and after a long journey during which he grew mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, he finally discovers the location of the treasure. He follows the directions and find it RIGHT WHERE HE STARTED! The point is, You have what you need inside of you all of the time. You don't need to search outside yourself- you need to look within.

Bisa ga ya jadi kayak Santiago… biar ga stuck in reverse lagi neh... :-)

"Because, wherever your heart is, that is where you'll find your treasure." (The Alchemist) 

“sTuCk iN ReVeRSe”

When you try your best, but you don't succeed

When you get what you want, but not what you need

When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep

Stuck in reverse

(Fix You – ColdPlay)

Pernah ga merasa seperti itu??? Ketika apa semua yang lo kerjain ternyata salah or hasilnya payah??? Pusing sendiri… mau marah… tapi percuma… pusing sendiri, capek yang ada. Bawaan jadi jutek, muka bete, ga ada bagus-bagusnya pokoknya deh. Mau marah, marah ma sapa… :-??

Kasian banget ma yang dimarah-marahin, ga ngerti maksudnya apa… wahaahahahahaa… karena gue sebel banget kalo ngeliat orang-orang yang begitu, makanya sekarang ya gue cuma bisa cengar cengir ga jelas gitu. Berusaha percaya kalo everything happens for a reason, and apa yang terjadi itu lah yang terbaik buat gue, sambil ngomong ma diri sendiri “sabar ya chi…”. 

Ngambil “something” dari worst thing yang sedang kita alamin itu emang ga gampang ya… Lebih gampang denial, dan kalo bisa.. nyalahin orang lain.. hahahahahaha… berasa puas ga seh kalo bisa blame it on somebody else, ga cuma kita sendiri yang nanggung pusing, menderita… heeeee… bisa share beban gitu looooh… Tapi ternyata ga nyelesaian masalah, nambah musuh yang ada. Di cap arogan lah, ga bertanggung jawab lah, seenaknya sendiri,… see… ga ada bagus-bagusnya deh...

Yang paling bener ya nyelesaian masalah lo sendiri, berusaha nyari salahnya dimana, ulang lagi dari awal sampe hasilnya bener. Learning from mistake. Cuma keledai yang jatuh dua kali di lobang yang sama… Iya gaaaaaa… hehehehehe

Proses pendewasaan… belajar positive thinking, berusaha menghadapi persoalan dengan bijak.

Tapi, butuh orang-orang disekitar yang ngedukung juga.

Gue ngalamin itu soalnya… -sigh- … suliiiiit…

Ga sedikit juga yang cynical. Yang dibilang terlalu mandiri lah, terlalu cuek, ga perdul